Posts tagged anxiety

Dear April,


March wasn’t too fun at all. If it wasn’t the unexpected death of a close WoW friend, an offline friend lost both his Mother and Father within days of each other. Then you threw me the curveball of my Father’s paranoia getting the best of him and throwing a wrench in life at home. Friends on Twitter began to bicker and disagree and that world even became a ball of chaos. Finally, some jerk rear ended my parked car and just last week someone broke into it and stole my wallet. I got distracted, discouraged and went into my own little world hoping for some answers as to what the hell is going on.

But you know what? I’m not going to be scared, put things on hold and cutting myself off from my friends. Whoever the hell blasted me in the face with this negative energy needs to seriously move the fuck back. This month will be better. And if it’s not I’m going to see the positive in things like I was before this whole month log daisy chain of crap began.

Plus dudes, I got a new car!

Keepin’ it positive,

“I don’t want them to think I’m some crazy person…”


Those were the words out of my Pop’s mouth earlier this week as he was in the middle of a break down. Last week was a challegne for all of us as my Pops started experiencing a very extreme case of anxiety and paranoia, mostly brought about by not taking his meds and lack of sleep. Honestly we all lacked in the sleep area last week because he’d be up every hour complaining that the neighbors were trying to keep him awake all night by shining lights in the window of the guest room we put him in. If it wasn’t that it was a lady or a man, of which he could never give a description of, following him around town preventing him from doing errands.

Everything finally came to a head yesterday when he came into the office as I was playing Minecraft and was clearly upset about something. Apparently at about 4am he’d run into my brother’s room complaining about something or other, pupils dialated and very frantic. This also happened to be a Friday in which my Pops gets to pick up Mellany from school to bring her home and help out with her homework. Behind his back, my brother did the right thing and made arrangements to have Mellany picked up by one of her other Aunts. I came home right as he got the news I guess and hecomes upstairs and is very anxious and tells me that he felt back stabbed and unimportant and that he was going to leave the house and go “some place away from these people” and breaks down crying and pacing in the room. Now, in my 32 years I’ve never, EVER seen my Pops cry muchless show emotion other than a smile or a chuckle here or there so I knew I had to take some action.

I advised him to grab some Melatonin from the health food store down the street and made sure he was gone to go into his stuff to find out his Doc’s info from his meds. Couldn’t find it. He’d more than likely thrown the bottles away so I really hoped the sleep brought about by the supplement would help or we’d be fucked. Around 8pm last night he took his dose and was in bed not long after. He woke up at 10am this morning and seemed A LOT better, thank the Old Gods. He also made arrangements to see his Doc for Monday.

I really hope my Pops gets well though. December 8, 2008 was the most frantic and difficult day of my life and I don’t want to see him like that ever again. My Pops and I don’t really get along or talk much but I can’t imagine life without him. I also really hope that both my Mom and Bro will stop getting so fucking angry with my Pops when he’s like this and realize that he’s off in Lala-land and just needs someone to help him come back to this side of the door.

Sorry for the brain dump. I needed to.

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